January Gem 💜Identity

Identity & Worth . It’s a subject my sisters are discussing at Mentor My Sister. My platform online, that strives for authentic women and authentic connection. Identity-what gives me identity

What I spend time with – tends to give me identity . We can desire material wealth, cars, … to be in relationship with people and we can make idols out of all of them.
I have value in relationships, so I will share what comes up for me as I make mention of my value of several relationships I have, currently. Mainly they’ve been friends family and my spouse; but also mentorship .

My Family has given me identity. Now that i live closer to them, I have more opportunity to be influenced by them. You see, whether I cherish them or not. It’s up to me to decide if I’ll carry out a legacy of good or evil.I always say, if there’s good, make it better . And if it’s not good, make it exceptional. My Spouse is one who influences my identity . How we make decisions together, dream together… LIVE together makes a difference and influences my identity .l and my children’s identity as well. Friendships influence my identity . Whether I choose mentors, leaders, friends who live models lives or just have the challenge of daily survival, I can learn from them. I make space for mentors and people to influence me. I need leaders to pour into my life, so I find out where they are, and I serve, or join them in their discussions, or create them. Mentorship . Being mentored and mentoring others has brought great value in my life . I really enjoy having conversations about life with other leaders, friends and women who desire authentic relationships. Here are a few mentors in my life

Here are three places I’ve learned from other in my life : 1. Trees . I was in South Africa in May, of 2003 and i was teaching in a classroom about dreams. A teenager said to me: /“We Are All Like Trees.” I resounded after that encounter , because I realized I’ve always loved trees. The strength , growth and resiliency tees represent inspire me. I have never seen trees the same , since. 2. My African Heritage Family. I found identity in my African Heritage family. There’s a woman I know named Joyce Shabazz. She created a forum of people and a platform about people regaining their culture and heritage and finding value in what they see and experience, again. I attended for five, maybe six years a platform that help me transcend racism, my thoughts about my identities as wife, female, being oppressed, internalized oppression, my inadequacies and experiences about African American, and I re-claimed myself. The process and journey has been amazing. I’ve gained new international friends and I’ve learned new experiences I’ve gleaned and kept treasures forever sealed in my heart. I’ve come up a lot, and now I mentor others on perspective. 3. My Worth

Where have I found worth and value?

What foundations have I established my worthiness upon? For years I pondered this. Growing up in an alcoholic family, My vision of myself and who I was was altered. It wasn’t my truth. It was an attempt to destroy my truth . I once was a girl of low self – esteem, insecurity and felt very inadequate . However I no longer espouse those characteristics . And today, I have evolved. I was determined to change the depiction of what my worth and value set as a template from birth to 20 years of age. Once I gained a determination of the will and had mentors in me that saw in me the greater good, and encouraged it- I realized I could truly be my best self. I reached for opportunities to be better: attended a historically black college , Howard University, experiences ethnicity in a new way, was determined to learn about my heritage, visited South Africa, ignored and distances myself from hate, and envy and people who represented this at all costs… and read books galore on the subject of identity , esteem and intrinsic value. And maybe my trips back and forth down the road to African Heritage, or a constant re-evaluation of my life purpose ; or maybe my trip to Africa all influenced me in major ways. Or maybe it was the fact i did t allow Opportunity to pass me by. Perhaps I reached for it with eager anticipation, and it became my friend. My mentor . My tutor. Yes, Opportunity became my Teacher.

The Value of Vulnerability in My Life.

I’ve had my share of unhealthy relationships. I believe the hardest part during this season of life for me was discerning was what was really “unhealthy”. I don’t really know that Ii had been taught that by example.
I believe I was simply unaware. Looking back, I wish i had spent more time with my younger self to determine who I was and what I desired in life, in order to have clarity about what I needed in a relationship.
I had not defined for myself what I needed, and valued and had not committed completely and wholeheartedly that those values were essential for me to thrive and to grow & thrive, in life .
Looking back: I am thinking of my journey saying to myself:
“What in the world was I doing?!”
Yeah, and it makes so much sense now that I know who I am …what my self -worth needs in order to thrive and be connected to another human being. I know what it means to be loved, and ‘in love.’
So I am going to share some thoughts on being in a healthy ‘vulnerable ‘ relationship, that helps us to thrive and be our best selves in our relationships .
I have decided to approach it from a vulnerable place, because I just like to be transparent . Vulnerability requires trust. And if you love someone vulnerability should be an essential part of helping that relationship to grow completely as individuals and also as a couple. Vulnerability with your partner should never be considered a weakness. You should continually be moving towards fruitfulness and transparency and greater love.
Here are a few things that being vulnerable in a relationship teaches you:

  1. Vulnerability teaches you to ask for help. You increase your connectedness to others and learn to empathize with them. It’s essential for growth.
  2. Being vulnerable teaches you the unknown parts of yourself. You develop a sense of resiliency and it challenges your authenticity – your heart mind and soul. It also helps you to be more self-aware.
  3. With vulnerability, you develop a new appreciation for self-care. Self-care is essential to a certain level of awareness and patterns with yourself. Being able to address them with honesty, help you to grow in vulnerability.
  4. Vulnerability teaches you to walk in realness. There’s a level of authenticity that comes from sharing honestly with others and you choose to listen, share and engage differently.
  5. Vulnerability teaches you to connect better to your emotional self. Knowing “why” you’re angry; “why “ you’re sad, and why you’re emotional and choosing to do continual, intentional self-evaluation – helps you notice yourself on another level.
  6. Being vulnerable allows you to have a better relationship with Grace. Not everyone understands grace and how to live in congruence with it; but what vulnerability teaches you is that grace is something we can ‘expect ‘ and ‘choose’ and live with intentionally, despite how we feel about life and how they occur- that things will get better, we will overcome ; and life can depended upon to operate in a full circle, that’s complete .
  7. Vulnerability teaches you to be grateful and share your thankfulness. Appreciation comes in several selfless acts. When you share openly, of what you’re thankful for you’ll find people appreciate you, and consider the same blessings . Is this something that is reciprocated in your relationships? If not, it’s something to consider.
  8. Vulnerability teaches you to be patient with yourself . When you push yourself past your limitations and you learn how to deal with successes despite being frustrated. You teach others how to be patient , as well.
  9. Author and spiritual leader Spencer Kimball says that “Humility is royalty without a crown.” Humility is learned by truly being vulnerable. Being able to acknowledge your weaknesses and to grow in wisdom and grace daily with intention, are life’s truest blessings.
  10. Vulnerability teaches you the most meaningful thing in life are learned by “pacing yourself ” through life. When I ‘slow my roll’ , I am informed, I am clear, I make room for more. Vulnerability leads me into the experience of “more”…
  11. Vulnerability teaches you to release. It helps you to recognize when you’re burdened or heavy, and that relationship , or situation needs to be let go. Maybe you’re carrying more than you should, if you have not yet recognized the value of letting go. When you choose to really ‘ think about what you’re thinking’, choosing to let go of weight that causes anxiety and stress helps us find a way to cope with our inadequate thoughts and insecurities. That’s truly being vulnerable.
    Well …. we’ve come to the end of this segment. what have you learned that’s new today? Take one element of vulnerability and commit to trying something new in your relationships and trusting yourself to grow just a bit more.

Identity Blockers

From my 2017 Retreat: “Diamonds”

I already know… one of my lifetime goals is to help women pursue purpose through deciding to love themselves, lead and leverage the playing ground by how they navigate the world before them. To live authentically, and experience Carpe’ diem! (Seize the day!)- via self expression, finding their voices and creating their own self-laws. Let me tell you… we cannot do this ideally with our identity suffering. There are many identity blockers that challenge us to think, behave and believe differently, every day of our lives. If we believe the things our minds tell us sometimes, then we will truly fail. And just because we have heard it a lot, doesn’t mean it’s actually true. In my dream, I desire to challenge women to be more of their ideal selves than who they really imagined themselves to be. I realized after working with so many women overtime – either through therapy, through small groups I’ve created for writing groups, book clubs, or mentoring groups that we all essentially desire to get to know ourselves, better when we are in the company of other women.

And better is good… because it helps us to stop and drive forward for our best selves. Just take time to notice and meditate on how you allow any of the identity blockers (above) to alter your course, in life. If you notice a few, ask yourself whats one way I can notice someone with the exact opposite ( of that identity blocker ) and ask them to share their story , or mentor me in some way, So I can learn that skill, too? I was just sharing with my mentoring group how I struggled a bit trying to determine what was right for me; as I began to wield my “two edged -one word. I chuckle within myself, because My ‘one word’ for 2020, has become a focus of intentional regard and expression as I reach for this new identity !

I am finding the more I, seek for meaning with my word, the more I get invigorated to say more. And then I smile, because ‘asking, seeking and knocking’ are all concepts to help us grow and evolve. They are all principles that help us to manifest and develop into our best selves.

Are you truly asking, seeking and knocking for opportunity? Because the promises attached to this saying says : If you “ask it shall be given unto you, seek you and you shall find, and knock, and the door shall be opened unto you. (Matt 7:7)

ASK: “to challenge , to inquire to be on the hunt for…

SEEK: this one means to answer, pursue, and track down.

KNOCK: Did you know to knock means to ask again? It also means to seek. ( haha!) Isn’t that interesting.. we are asked to ask and then ask again… and seek some more… (Never stop asking or seeking!) There’s EXTREME benefit in it. Pretty deep huh?

Manifesting you’re dreams is good, I suppose . Just be mindful to not always set out with an intention to show off your gifts. Begin with purpose, ride the wave… and then you will end up surfing into another plan, another opportunity and another way to manage your gifts with lots of supporters around you; asking : How can we be a part of this thriving community!?

No Longer A Wounded Soldier.

One day, I was in the woods, and I freed my soul. I attended a retreat, and sometimes that’s how you have to actually FREE yourself, you know, in nature…you go to those kind of places to retreat, and to hear yourself think, speak and and ponder. I really cannot recall the exact wounded soldier story; but perhaps this one fits. I did some soul work at this retreat. I came back feeling so invigorated.
It was in. It had autumn and to be honest, I was wounded. I had to get to the cool in the mornings, and I was trying to rejuvenate my soul. I was soul-weary. Just tired. The kind of tired you can be when no one else can understand it, kind of tired.
And here’s what I heard in my spirit: “No longer wounded, are you, soldier.” (Here’s a story that goes along with it, though…)
​It was a fierce battle even for a soldier as seasoned as he was. No one knows for sure how the events transpired as they did. When it happened, it was almost over before it began. The soldier has had a lot of time to reflect on the battles leading up to this one. It had taken years of faithful duty for his commander to put him in such a front line position. The soldier had been decorated many times for standing strong against the enemy. He was not one of the ones who had to be coaxed into battle. He had seen first hand the destruction left in the wake of his enemy. He had seen the destroyed lives. He cannot remember the countless times he had talked so many through tough and difficult decisions in their own battles. He had relayed countless messages from his commander to others who were looking to find a place of safety against the onslaught of enemy weapons. He knew the importance of being prepared for battle. He had seen a lot of others who were not well prepared fall in the fight. He had always tried to make sure every skill and weapon was razor sharp. He knew his life and the lives of others depended on it. There had been times when he was amazed that he was still standing when the day of battle had ended. He had encouraged many a young warrior to stand strong and not faint at the fierce attacks of the enemy. There were occasional times when he was allowed to get some much needed rest but usually his life was spent being in a state of alertness and total awareness of everything around him. It was very seldom there was a lull in the enemies attacks. Usually if he wasn’t fighting on his on lines he was helping a brother soldier not be swamped by the enemy. There had been several times when he had to call for reinforcements and there was a special squad his commander kept in store to send to every soldiers aid. This special squad was terrible in their strength. Nothing could stand before them but the brunt of the battle was not given to them. Those were horrible times indeed but he thrilled at the way his commander had taken care of him. He would gladly follow wherever he was commanded to go, without question. I suppose in hind sight he had been able to see the attack coming but it looked like the same kind of battle he had fought so many times before and he wasn’t overly concerned. After all, hind sight is twenty/twenty.”

During the retreat, I noticed the weariness of my soul.I didn’t quite know it was weary til I really took the time to pull away and spend time on myself.

Alone. Yet observing Self.
From the outside looking in.
Well, if you read the story above- you will understand the place where I was. Sometimes, our souls can become weary because of ourselves. We then find ourselves without aid or assistance even we are really in a hard place.
I never want to be there, ever again. So we were given this exercise on the retreat asking us to nurture and care for our wounded soldier by walking out into the woods and comforting her. Taking time to empathize with her and tell her that she had every right to protect this space inside of her and to stop fighting fires and putting out other battles but to learn to fight our own battle, and not feel guilty or alone any more about doing it. So sympathize and empathize with our need for self- compassion and herald the battles we have fought, but also congratulate ourselves for a job well done. And for having the COURAGE to endure.

We were encouraged to take time to HEAL.
And I made a declaration in the woods, that day that I would build my own fortress and support my own cause and begin to herald my own work before I supported another’s cause.
And I was set free.
Like a bird, I flew that day in the woods.
Since that day, many things have been born. And I am grateful.
So even if you don’t have time, today, read that story, ( either here, or above).
And herald your own cause, fight your own battle, and save yourself.
Listen. To Yourself.
Be With Yourself.
Heal Yourself.

You’re so worth it.

To Be Seen.

“I see you.”

It’s a phrase that several in my small family of African Heritage people ( I spend time with as a second family), say often.

Sometimes I hear people who really get a lot of pouring o to the lives of others … say often.

To be Seen.

What does it really mean?

I’m shall articulate as best as I can what it means to be noticed by someone… Authentically.

To be seen means to be heard.

To have someone hear your heart.

To have someone know you and understand you.

To be noticed and valued . Cherished.

To have your voice be validated.

To be trusted.

To be honored.

To be accepted.

To be learned of; develop interest in.

To inquire of.

To visit with,… delightfully.

To prefer .

And I’m certain there’s more.

But trust that you are in authentic relationship with someone if you have, and know and can perceive and BE in this type of authentic relationship of great value while spending time with a person as delightful as this.


Try My Self Care Course!

The Rhythm Conscious Life is my Self-care course you can manage and develop on your own , online.

Enjoy new ideas to establish a new routine at home .

Find yourself & make your happiness a priority, in your heart, soul and mind.

Consider a new and invigorating perspective .

Honor the time, your talents, your perspective and your well-being in a new way.

Trust your intuition .

Consider and value yourself, differently.

Click the link here, for more information .

On Healing.

I just thought this quote was phenomenally simple yet brilliant .

Perhaps it’s the reason reason why I advocate so strongly for self- care and healing.

Truth is, I haven’t said it so clearly, and so simply as this:

But y’all – Healing and seeking to be healed is not the easiest thing to do, but once you get there… it’s awesome attractive.

I mean to know yourself and have self-awareness and to have a partner who is the same- to have insight and understanding, helps you to thrive and grow even more.

I’ll come back to expand on these thoughts but for real.. I’d like to hear from you …

How has your reaching for healing changed your life and made you more attractive?


Keeping Your Drive & Motivation Alive!

For the longest, I have decided that I  would try to find out the secrets of being and staying motivated. I studied the lives of  the deep thinkers , contemplators and friends and mentors to determine what the find keeps them above water, and OFTEN it involves staying focused and on purpose, and what makes you happy. Hence, the name of my first blog – “Blessedness of Being “; located here .”

I also  observed this amazing blog by  Karen Walrond at Chookooloonks.com and Deidra Riggs at: http://www.deidrariggs.com And their writing and projects inspire.

You will learn so much from these women, because they take risks and determine to do things they didn’t think they could, they did too much, and had to scale back, or they do things JUST FOR THEMSELVES , because it was necessary for their existence. Self-care can be so rewarding and  so  self-validating , that it’s cool. I have learned in my life that without self care,  I am spent, used up and of no VALUE to anyone.

Here’s what I found in my study:

1. Staying motivated requires a review of your personal goals and evaluation.

2. Mark and cart your progress  n order to notice your  progress!

3. Watching and reading motivational stories or speeches. * ( http://www.Tedtalk.com ) is an excellent site.

4. Eliminate your distractions, and  stay offline, set dates with yourself and plan your productivity.

5. Join a group of other motivated life pursuers and persons working towards goals of self-development, & productivity and allow their energy fuel you toward your goals.

Other  tips for motivation can be found at this awesome site! Lifehack.org

I decided a long time ago, I wanted to be of VALUE to everyone’s paths I cross.

This is my motivation, and I choose to  be actively pursuing this goal, and  being an example of  a healthy existence and  a  role model for  good self are in order to reach my dreams.

It makes sense to  work hard for what you desire, and to be able to enjoy it, Make certain you have a paradigm and mental clarity for good  emotional, mental, spiritual and  social self-care.

Join our Mentor my sister Marco Polo video page! Email me at jennifer@ owensgroupservices.com to find out how!

For the Love of Intuition💕

I read this in a very cool article in the huffingtonpost and you should too!

  1. They listen to that inner voice.
  2. They observe everything.
  3. They value solitude.
  4. They mindfully let go of negative emotions.
  5. They connect deeply with others.

Do any of these resound, with you?

I believe women who strive for intuitive sense, find value in most things in life.

Listening to yourself is the first step to being “authentically your.”

Watchfulness involves a mindset, but also an awareness.

In silence, you hear your thoughts .

Through connection, we blossom.

Utilize all of these mottos as fuel for your future.

Transform Me

So I’m here sharing my one word ventures

It’s been six years. And here’s how I have transformed since 2013:

Here are my transformative “words” I have used as self-growth in the past few years; as my “one word”. I’ve completed this task both in person and on video and blog journeys with friends and can truly say: this journey has followed us, increased our stature throughout the year and transformed our confidence and our nature .

My one word embraces everything I plan on accomplishing with an intention for that particular year. And I set off exploring, self-reflecting, asking myself questions – to cement tfactors  of Hope, influence and purpose in my life,  infusing it also with an intuitive sense of  intentional being  and doing. 

Here were my past words:

Selfless– 2014 – This year  was all about letting   go of myself, and  trying to find myself.  For the sake of just struggling too much with others thought, and   not being mature enough to seek  God , first ,in everything.   I adopted a daughter this year, so it was a perfect word to use as a mom who was new to the game.

Priority – 2015  I don’t  recall much about the  year of priority, so I had to go back to  photos to recall what was happening for me.  All I know is I was slacking in some areas and it was a good word to choose. Documenting your journey with phots to remember it- helps to add insight when you reflect back on the year.

Conquer – 2016  This May be when I began to get serious about my words. in so many words,  I conquered myself, and my fears. I  reached past myself and began to focus on my  business and conquering things   that long held me back , through prayer. I also developed a tenacity that reached for new meaning.

 Embrace– 2017 I  developed a  prayer group and  focused on leadership principles and  shared with the women  who  were also interested in the same subject. The name: Shine. I began to also  embrace my “Next”.  Well,  I contemplated on what was next  in my life and God sort of led me into a sabbatical.  At the end of this period, I received   the gift of  chaplaincy and  a full time job and stipend.  
 Receiving – 2018 This year was all  about self- exploration. I hit a mid- life crisis, and had to determine whether I was on the ‘right track’ spiritually and mentally in  finding myself; in my work and my purpose with work. I believe I did get an answer.  I find that I am definitely supposed to be working with women, but also in a very spiritual sense.  And I am  also  moving towards my won wholeness. 

I don’t’ think I came into full revelations of that until the following year:  2019 (With my  two words) : Clarity ,… & Spontaneity.  

Clarity ,… & Spontaneity –  2019 .   Because I am nearly at the end of this year, I will share here, as well.  I have since moved  across  country,   established myself in a new  city –  one I haven’t really  experienced as an  adult – Rochester NY , my birth place – and  I have  received  clarity  about what God  wants to do with my life, and purpose.  I know there is more inner healing work, God wants to do – yet also work with my  families –  (  those  in my  family of origin ) ; and the families of the earth.’  (my clients in my field of work.) I also know I have a greater call on my life than I ever imagined. It’s a call I run to; yet I’m running from. I mean, who does that? Maybe I don’t really well I am able to function in this call..

When you ask for clarity , you get it .

I went through a flood in Tulsa, Oklahoma, that came to my back door. relocated to New York, and evolved again by returning to my profession.

I was vulnerable in all areas of my life … and dealt with lots of unrest- 2019 was a transformative year. However, I gained lots of clarity.

Which brings us to 2020: