rest is one weapon that actually saves our souls.
let’s do everything we can to maintain and cultivate it. It offers us security , hope, ingenuity, and refreshment .
selah.
MentorđMySister
Authentic Women, Authentic Resolve, Authentic Connection.
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By You Are So Beautiful Photography.
how i harnessed myself through covid. -
Brene’ wrote that.
She is awesome because of how she uses her mouth. Her words.
Your life story leadership is your story. Yes and getting past the vulnerability of all, is the challenge.
Think about where you lead.
If you don’t lead, think about where you would like to.
Then, listen to someone else’s story and see how and why they lead.
The Reasons are embedded in the lessons learned; in the heartache…
And the joy found in letting it all go.
It will give you some insight.
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So I have have never been âthe best friendâ nor had many of them since 2nd or third grade. Then , some time around the age of 45, I came across a few friends in a new state and they became my hanging partners and accountability buddies.
Did I need to have them around ? Most definitely. Weâre they best friends?
Certainly. I still never thought much about the term again in terms of describing a friend, and as I referred to them, Iâd say : âyouâre one of my best friendsâ… and Iâd figure theyâd know. But I figure in my lifetime if I have friends who have good intention and they have the qualities below- a few of them at least- then theyâre a few of my best friends.
I believe friendships should be reciprocal. And if they donât require we âgleanâ love on one another and help each other to become better women, then whatâs the point?
Here were a few qualities we gathered from our conversations earlier this year on one of our Zooms. if you like to join a zoom talk we have once a month , comment below and let me know. We are always talking about emotional wealth, psychological and self care and emotional resiliency. Join us!
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So when I decide to endure difficulty, I manage to “harness myself.” It’s a process.
And of course, I am not an easy person to manage. I once had someone tell me I was “high maintenance.”
I consider that a compliment. They just didn’t understand me. Looking back… I realize I was I literally a person of influence, and that “becoming” wasn’t my fault – they just didn’t understand how influence was made.
Influencers are complex. And it’s ok. I dont have to “become” like anyone else. I can be unique, and its ok.
Life in the wilderness….
If you look up one of the definitions of the word HARNESS in the dictionary – you will find these words:
“Harness” – to bring under conditions for effective use; gain control over for a particular end: to harness water power; to harness the energy of the sun. Archaic.
to array in armor or equipments of war.
So deep. “If I am preparing for a war…” I harness myself. I get all the right tools. Amazing.
I felt the grief of this war. It was saddening… painful. Yet freeing in many ways.
War… in fact means : “a state of armed conflict between different nations or states
or different groups within a nation or state.”
Fits perfectly.
I feel like this was what CoVid taught me to do: TO HARNESS myself.
Effectiveness is not taught always… sometimes its endured.
Other definitions are: to rein in, to “tackle, belt or fasten…” sounds Like a trip, right? )Haha)
Well… its interesting that when CoVid began I surely felt like I was on a journey. I knew if I didn’t arrest myself and begin to think about this as a journey, I might not make it through the journey. So… I put on my belt, and I endured.
Buckled up.
Prepared to be ‘sacked’.
Tackled some things.
Some I managed well.
Others… broke me totally apart.
Here are a few things I did for perspective:
I prayed hard.
I took the focus off myself.
I sat in complete quiet for an hour or more.
I napped a whole lot.
I talked to friends I loved.
I lamented with others who were hurting.
I prayed for “them”- whomever ‘them’ were…
I sat in the Sun.
Opened windows.
Went on snowy Walks.
Watched a lot of comedy.
Played with babies.
Prayed some more.
Talked to friends on the phone, & Zoom. {Zoom mostly}.
I cried.
Got lost in worship. {the most freeing…}
I went to random spots to eat, even while nervous.
I held a group on purpose.
I lamented to God and my husband, some more…
I spent time with old pictures.
I tried so hard to journal, …but it was hard.
I stayed up all night.. just writing and making new projects.
I prayed for everyone hurting from the death of George Floyd.
I prayed for George.
I cried some more.
I prayed for black men everywhere.
I prayed for the black men in my family.
I prayed for the 3 new baby boys in my family.
I prayed for their parents as they raised them.
I prayed for ways to find my voice amidst the pain.
I lamented to God.
I allowed myself to feel the hurt.
I thought deeply about hate… and how it kills.
I took care of my parents.
I focused on quality and not quantity.
I practiced gratefulness.
I took pictures with my camera.
I thanked God for the little things.
I changed my diet.
I thought a lot about my future.
I spent time working on projects.
I prayed for my enemies.
I trusted God and asked for a harnessing of my soul.
I am sure I did a whole lot more… but these things helped me quite a bit.
Selah.
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changed my life .
one day, a sister sent me this card. she told me she believed in my dream. she wrapped her arms around me and my vision , and embraced our possibilities.
it was grand.
I felt supported.
she told me she was proud of me, what i’d had planned, and believed it would make a difference .
major support.
when you are uncertain, yet hoping,, praying, trusting for the best.
doing it, despite the fear…
using fear as energy – to push you forward.
falling forward, using your self-created prayer team for hope.
it worked.đ
this was me,,in 2003…
believing , trusting, yet everything seemed to fall to pieces when I arrived in South Africa. Between jet lag, and my plans , I felt rather hopeless.
all I could do was sleep.
then I asked to find a phone cafe’. I called my sisters. told them my plans for this vision, asked for support .
and within a day, my situation turned around .
resurrected purpose, peace about the problem, and hope, we’re all mine.
my itinerary took shape,, I began to travel and speak, I had influence and supporters of the vision align with me.
more support.
some things have spiritual resolution.
that’s all.
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So… I remember a time in my life when I was really indecisive.
I remember I was trying to please others so much, I forgot about myself. In that process, I made a lot of decisions that didn’t give much regard to my life, or emotional safety. What I wanted out of life, was on the back burner. I basically lived for the enjoyment and delight of someone else, because I thought that was how you show you love someone. I was so wrong. I had love all confused. And because of that, I had so much inner conflict, insecurity and so much doubt inside of myself. Discord was often in my relationships, and I just had no peace with anyone, so I stayed away from people, mostly. As long as they were not talking about my life, then I was okay with them. I didn’t want anyone telling me what to do and if they offered without my asking, then I was ready to run from them, even those close to me, and who mean a lot to me.
When you don’t have peace inside, everything you do or don’t do, feels like a mistake. You second guess yourself all the time, and you cannot trust your instincts. And when you ignore your instincts, man… you are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E! I operated in this way so often, I didn’t know who I was , or whether I was coming or going. That means I was lost. After a while, I became so hopeless, I just lost hope altogether. I was just existing. I apologized for everything, I had many qualms with people and the places where I was in life. I carried resentments and as a result, I was just plain miserable. I was annoyed to the point that accepting annoyance was how I lived. But I was so blind to this fact, I simply endured it. It became the norm. I was living with regret. When I looked up the word regret, I found in the thesaurus these words: ” to prey on the mind…have a weight on the mind; leave an aching void.” That’s what regrets feels like. Sorrow, pain, hurt – all the time, and guilt.
Growing up in an alcoholic family, I realized this was the norm for me, ( living with annoyances) which is why I didn’t recognize it when it occurred in a daily basis in my life and relationships. (I know, crazy… right?) But we do this, because we tend to go with what’s familiar and yet become so comfortable with it, we consider it to be normal? How does this happen? You recognize you were annoyed and miserable, yet every single day you find comfort with it? I think deep down inside I knew I was miserable, but I didn’t want to admit it. I was living with a denial and a numbness that honestly, felt very good, because if I didn’t have to acknowledge it, then I thought it was not bothering me. But then, after 11 years of depression, it finally caught up with me. I was at my wits end. My mental health took a toll on me and I knew I had to change something.
One day my spirit cried out to God, and revealed I was living with sorrow. I had much so much REGRET about the situations I found myself in life, the decisions I had made and I was suffering from so much sorrow. I was sad about my life and I felt trapped. I felt responsible for things I wasn’t even responsible for. The adults in my life blamed me and I took on their issues and their grief to the point, I had no resolve, no contentment and no harmony in my life. It took a lot to admit I was sad. I was really depressed and I had chosen to live like that for several years. Living in regret.
I remember one morning I spent the entire morning with God in prayer on my back porch. I was angry, bitter and I was hurting. I was also very stubborn and God used a lot of my grief to help me to recognize some of the things I held on to were because of pride. I remember crying out to God with so much pain and telling God I was ‘fed up’ and I wanted a new life, and new hope, and a new way of being and doing. As I sat there, I had a vision in my head of the image of the woman in the Bible with whom they cast stones . (John 8) These people brought her to Jesus to be condemned. Jesus response to her accusers was to write on the ground. No one knows what Jesus wrote. But her accusers all left after Jesus wrote on the ground. He then said : “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” I envisioned Jesus as I sat on my porch (with my eyes closed); write in the ground for me. As He wrote, He basically wrote some things that only I saw, of course. But what he wrote reminded me of what He desired for me to have. His promises. I saw that He had much greater intention for me to have good, in my life. I believe it was like that with her accusers, as well. What was important was not what He wrote, but what He said and how what he said, made me feel. I didn’t feel sorrowful any longer, I was no longer troubled, I was no longer hurting and burdened deeply with regret, and I became decisive. I knew instantly that I deserved more, I wanted more and that I could have more; and I made the decision to do it.
John 8:7, 10,11 “But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, âWoman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?â She said, âNo one, Lord.â And Jesus said, âI do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.â NASB
Jesus dealt with this woman with such tenderness and grace, that she was in awe. All the accusers surrounding her also were also surprised, but they must have understood, because they left too. If we condemn ourselves, with LIVE WITH REGRET. My relationship with God has taught me I am not worthy of punishment for the decisions I have made.That’s why he died for us. Once I repent, ask God for help, receive it, then move on. then comes release. Just like it did for the woman in John 8. This is very important. It’s necessary for living with a clear conscious.
That day on my back porch, I contended with Jesus, in my soul . But I learned three things after my wrangling with God:
1. I had to let go of my past.
2., I couldn’t live in the condemnation, because if I did, I would accept the guilt and regret from my past.
3. I learned I had to move on, because HE didn’t condemn me, and so I had to stop condemning myself.
4. I had to forgive myself.
When you cannot forgive yourself, you don’t remember to be kind, nurturing and self-loving. You forget to forgive yourself. It took years for me to forgive myself for things in my past, even after I made a decision to live a better life and leave those things behind, I knew I was worth more, I knew I deserved more, but it didn’t make me leave the situation or change anything. Here’s what made the difference: accepting God’s forgiveness and allowing His love for me to redeem me. For me, this was what unraveled the love confusion. I learned that if I accepted God’s love first and allowed this to be my foundation for loving others and BEING LOVED… then I would be alright. Once I was certain God has forgiven me and wanted more for me, I began to move towards freedom, and I never looked back. I found resolve. But I had to give God my regrets.
People are often amazed by how much peace I seem to have. Let me tell you, I am not perfect. I still struggle, even. And although I have peace , now… It took a very long time to get here. After I got through the muck and the mess of my own regrets, I was able to stand again on my own two feet. Of course, some of the way, God carried me to be honest. But I made it to the other side. Now that I am here, it ‘s pertinent I tell the story of how I made it here, so others could be set free as well.
Amen & Selah.
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We all need to learn how to embrace a bit closer those we love. Iâm just going to say this: Two people of meaning and great value to those I love , shockingly died this week.
Iâm not even sure when you listen to my podcast below things will change for you in any way; however – Consider this:
There is a âseekingâ within, that is quite relative in this day and time. Seeking insulation preserves the soul.
In a day where â suddenliesâ happen frequently – we all need to consider the state of our soul. (Our mind, will and emotions. ) Knowing what we think, feel and believe about every aspect of life is critical to our well-being . Take a few seconds of every day to remain present to our lives, remain aware and being grateful.
I have never found such a need to be so âawareâ. Awake. Pensive. Considerate of my life, of those around me, those I love, of where I fit in, and how I maintain my lot, as much as I am aware, today. Maybe itâs due to âCovid happeningsâ, maybe itâs a need for a connection with myself. Even the awareness of needing to communicate my love to loved ones matters , as well.
To Embrace means: :
1) a close encircling with the arms and pressure to the chest especially as a sign of affection : HUG 2: grip, encirclement /3: ACCEPTANCE.
Take some time to embrace. Take in your surroundings, spend time on your mamaâs or friendâs porch, Practice acceptance in light of everything that is going on around you.
Everything matters.
It always did. Especially now that we realize a loved one can be here today, and gone tomorrow.
Read my podcast on âSeeking Insulation not Isolationâ. – https://anchor.fm/iamjennrene/episodes/Seek-Insulation–Not-Isolation-ec68jr/a-a1qic2v -
Lady Victoria & Jennifer
Jennifer: Friendship, is our Focus word for February 2021. Iâve been pondering over an article for the month of February focusing on friendships, & then I realized I had one in my archives!If youâd like to join our conversation on Friendships this month on Zoom, please connect with me. As a group of women we meet monthly to discuss and share in authentic conversation.
Jennifer: This is a guest post by my long time sister-friend, Lady Victoria Walker, who has been a friend over the course of the past 20 years, or more. She and I both really love friendships and try our best to keep our friendship as connected and authentic as possible. I love and appreciate her for her depth and honesty. A few years ago, she and I had a really good conversation about friendships, and I thought it would be neat for her to write a guest post for my blog!
Friendships â Are You Really My Friend or My Soundbite Buddy?
Earlier this year, I was contacted by a long time friend, Jennifer, to write a blog for her website about the topic of friendship. I thought it would be a simple projectâŚthen I discovered, that preparing for the task led me through an interesting discovery process. First, I decided to take a long look at the number of contacts on my phone; and then, I asked myself âhuh, it looks like over a couple hundred people are here, but who has contacted me recently?!â So, I decided before writing an article about friendship, let me first find out whatâs going on with my own friendships!
I am so glad that the opportunity to complete this writing project literally forced me to reevaluate the people in my life that I considered friends. This journey has led me to take the time to focus on who I have in my life and why they are there. More importantly, how do they really feel about me as a person and how do we treat each other. As a writer, I wanted to gather pertinent data to assess the actual quality of my friendships as opposed to just accepting, at face value, that just because we connect, does that mean we are friends?
Would you believe I developed an actual friendship questionnaire?! And sent it out to my âfriendsâ by email. I explained it was an important matter to me and requested their help by responding honestly to the questions which I had carefully crafted. Let me tell you, that was an eye-opening experience! If you would like to use my survey tool, feel free to ask me. However, you should know I discovered, only a few people actually read my email. I know, I know. Everyone is busy and their email accounts are overloaded with emails. Okay. Then, out of the few that read it, the responses were intriguing, uplifting and some were down right hilarious! One person wrote to me and said: âyou are salt and light in a tasteless dark timeâ; how encouraging! Some people complained that they preferred to discuss their responses with me over the phone instead of answering the many questions. The phone conversations were actually very enlightening. They lead to some discussions about our friendship which would not have occurred unless I asked questions like: âwhy do you like me as a friend?â
I mean really. When was the last time you asked someoneâŚâwhy do you hang with me?â Do you really know if your friends actually feel about you, the same way you feel about them? One of my friends who is in her senior years, said to me that when she started asking similar questions of her friends, whom she had known for years, she found out after 30 years that they did not feel the same about their friendship as she didâŚto her amazement! Apparently, many of her relationships were more one-sided, and she had not picked up on that. It seems learning how to develop and manage good friendships can take a life time.
As I began to have these âassessmentâ discussions with the other people I know, I discovered that many of them were not taking the time to evaluate who they had in their lives and why. It seems that, today, people are so busy trying to make a living, that as long as they âconnectâ with others by Facebook, Twitter, forwarded email chain letter or some other social media platform or perhaps by text, those âsound biteâ âdrive-byâ contacts from others are the new way friendships are being managed. HmmmâŚ
It also became apparent, during this discovery process, that while our phones may have hundreds of contacts, how many of those people actually have contacted you, by phone, this year? Itâs now July. Half of the year is over. How many have called just to say hello and to ask âhow are you?â. Often when I asked, I discovered, people are not really contacting others to have meaningful dialogues. It makes me wonder about the quality of friendships that people are having these days, are they really developing relationships that are strong, enduring and endearing? Between our daily busyness and social media, how solid are our friendships?
Can people really develop trustworthy and sound friendships without regular meaningful engagement or just depending on soundbite conversations when they log into a social media account? Is everyone so busy that we are not paying attention that fewer people are really reaching out to see how you are âreallyâ doing? More and more I am hearing that people are not really speaking to each other, but may receive a contact by text or social media every now and then.
I donât know about you, but frankly, while I understand the importance of remaining relevant by keeping up with people using social media platforms, since we can connect with so many at a time⌠I still enjoy a friendly conversation when I call a friend or they take the time to reach out to meâŚto let me know that I matter, deserve more than a soundbite and that they care. How about you?
By the way, I cleaned out my phone and email contacts. I am still available if they choose to reach out, but I decided to focus on people, who are the friends, that have chosen to focus on me!
Lady Victoria Walker
Author: Lady Victoria Walker is a global operations, communications and administrative systems designer, writer, public speaker, professional voice-over talent and productivity enthusiast. She is from Guatemala, Central America, raised in the Bronx, NY and earned her B.S. in management and communications at Syracuse University. She is tri-lingual and tri-cultural, speaking English, Spanish and Garifuna (a Central American language). She currently serves as the Vita Global Operations Director. Lady Victoriaâs voice has been broadcast locally in DC, nationally and around the world. Her creative writing has been featured in WAVA FaithTalk Magazine, GoodProspects.com and more. Her background includes extensive experience in organizational, media, project and business management development both in the corporate and non-profit sectors servicing companies such as: Motorola, Atlanta University, Syracuse Community Health Center, SCHC Total Care, Inc., Salem Communications, Inc. â 105.1FM / AM780 WAVA, SRN News and Goodwill Industries International. She lives in the Metro DC area, teaches liturgical dance, is an aspiring vocalist, mentor and photographer. Lady Victoria strives to serve others by connecting her purpose with international productivity.
Connect with her at: LadyVictoriaWalker@gmail.com
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I lived with regret far too long.. So… I remember a time in my life when I was really indecisive. I remember I was trying to please others so much, I forgot about myself. In that process, I made a lot of decisions that didn’t give much regard to my life, or emotional safety. What I wanted out of life, was on the back burner. I basically lived for the enjoyment and delight of someone else, because I thought that was how you show you love someone. I was so wrong. I had love all confused. And because of that, I had so much inner conflict, insecurity and so much doubt inside of myself. Discord was often in my relationships and I just had no peace with anyone, so I stayed away from people, mostly. As long as they were not talking about my life, then I was okay with them. I didn’t want anyone telling me what to do and if they offered without my asking, then I was ready to run from them, even thoseclose to me, and who mean a lot to me. When you don’t have peace inside, everything you do or don’t do, feels like a mistake. You second guess yourself all the time, and you cannot trust your instincts. And when you ignore your instincts, man… you are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E! I operated in this way so often, I didn’t know who I was , or whether I was coming or going. That means I was lost. After a while, I became so hopeless, I just lost hope altogether. I was just existing. I apologized for everything, I had many qualms with people and the places where I was in life. I carried resentments and as a result, I was just plain miserable. I was annoyed to the point that accepting annoyance was how I lived. But I was so blind to this fact, I simply endured it. It became the norm. I was living with regret. When I looked up the word regret I found in the thesaurus these words: ” to prey on the mind…have a weight on the mind; leave an aching void.” That’s what regrets feels like. Sorrow, pain, hurt – all the time, and guilt. Growing up in an alcoholic family, I realized this was the norm for me, ( living with annoyances) which is why I didn’t recognize it when it occurred in a daily basis in my life and relationships. (I know, crazy… right?) But we do this, because we tend to go with what’s familiar and yet become so comfortable with it, we consider it to be normal? How does this happen? You recognize you were annoyed and miserable, yet every single day you find comfort with it? I think deep down inside I knew I was miserable, but I didn’t want to admit it. I was living with a denial and a numbness that honestly, felt very good, because if I didn’t have to acknowledge it, then I thought it was not bothering me. But then, after 11 years of depression, it finally caught up with me. I was at my wits end.My mental health took a toll on me and I knew I had to change something. One day my spirit cried out to God, and revealed I was living with sorrow. I had much so much REGRET about the situations I found myself in life, the decisions I had made and I was suffering from so much sorrow. I was sad about my life and I felt trapped. I felt responsible for things I wasn’t even responsible for. The adults in my life blamed me and I took on their issues and their grief to the point, I had no resolve, no contentment and no harmony in my life. It took a lot to admit I was sad. I was really depressed and I had chosen to live like that for several years. Living in regret. I remember one morning I spent the entire morning with God in prayer on my back porch. I was angry, bitter and I was hurting. I was also very stubborn and God used a lot of my grief to help me to recognize some of the things I held on to were because of pride. I remember crying out to God with so much pain and telling God I was ‘fed up’ and I wanted a new life, and new hope, and a new way of being and doing. As I sat there, I had a vision in my head of the image of the woman in the Bible with whom they cast stones . (John 8) These people brought her to Jesus to be condemned. Jesus response to her accusers was to write on the ground. No one knows what Jesus wrote. But her accusers all left after Jesus wrote on the ground. He then said : “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” I envisioned Jesus as I sat on my porch (with my eyes closed); write in the ground for me. As He wrote, He basically wrote some things that only I saw, of course. But what he wrote reminded me of what He desired for me to have.His promises. I saw that He had much greater intention for me to have good, in my life. I believe it was like that with her accusers, as well. What was important was not what He wrote, but what He said and how what he said, made me feel. I didn’t feel sorrowful any longer, I was no longer troubled, I was no longer hurting and burdened deeply with regret, and I became decisive. I knew instantly that I deserved more, I wanted more and that I could have more; and I made the decision to do it. John 8:7, 10,11 “But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, âWoman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?â She said, âNo one, Lord.â And Jesus said, âI do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.â NASB Jesus dealt with this woman with such tenderness and grace, that she was in awe. All the accusers surrounding her also were also surprised, but they must have understood, because they left too. If we condemn ourselves, with LIVE WITH REGRET. My relationship with God has taught me I am not worthy of punishment for the decisions I have made.That’s why he died for us. Once I repent, ask God for help, receive it, then move on. then comes release. Just like it did for the woman in John 8. This is very important. It’s necessary for living with a clear conscious. That day on my back porch, I contended with Jesus, in my soul . But I learned three things after my wrangling with God: 1. I had to let go of my past. 2., I couldn’t live in the condemnation, because if I did, I would accept the guilt and regret from my past. 3. I learned I had to move on, because HE didn’t condemn me, and so I had to stop condemning myself. 4. I had to forgive myself. When you cannot forgive yourself, you don’t remember to be kind, nurturing and self-loving. You forget to forgive yourself. It took years for me to forgive myself for things in my past, even after I made a decision to live a better life and leave those things behind I knew I was worth more, I knew I deserved more, but it didn’t make me leave the situation or change anything. Here’s what made the difference: accepting God’s forgiveness and allowing His love for me to redeem me. For me, this was what unraveled the love confusion. I learned that if I accepted God’s love first and allowed this to be my foundation for loving others and BEING LOVED… then I would be alright. Once I was certain God has forgiven me and wanted more for me, I began to move towards freedom, and I never looked back. I fond resolve. But I have to give God my regrets. People are often amazed by how much peace I seem to have. Let me tell you, I am not perfect. I still struggle, even. And although I have peace , now… It took a very long time to get here. After I got through the muck and the mess of my own regrets, I was able to stand again on my own two feet. Of course, some of the way, God carried me to be honest. But I made it to the other side. Now that I am here, it ‘s pertinent I tell the story of how I made it here, so others could be set free as well. Amen & Selah.